Thursday, September 28, 2006

FOUR HEADS IN A BAG, A BEDTIME STORY FOR LOVERS OF MOZART

Once upon a time in a land not so unrecognisable from this one we all love, a darkly hooded figure, a certain John Doe, cast his shadow over the vaulted landscapes of its inhabitants' thoughts and ambitions, carrying an empty, but well used, dirty stained hemp sack over his shoulder. He was not a native to those parts, no, he was a stranger from far, so very faraway, or, at least that’s what they chose to believe.

At first, nobody really took much notice of this mysterious figure, he seemed harmless enough, slightly helpless even, so they invited him in to shelter in their homes and gave him food and drink whilst listening to his tales of some unknown and unheard-of past. They waved him off with a cheerful goodbye and come-back-soon-smiles. The warm contentment they felt at lending a helping hand, and more than just that, to a poor foreign traveller, made them feel so really good about themselves.

Some called him the storyteller.

Days turned into weeks, weeks into months, months into years and as the hooded one felt himself more and more at home, more welcomed, everywhere he visited, he began to make little tiny demands of his generous hosts. Nothing at all, of course, that didn’t seem reasonable to honourable, respectful folk with their doors and hearts open to strangers and their strange ideas.

What no one noticed, or at least never gave word to, was that after each stop, when their guest hoisted the sack onto his broad shoulder, after he had said his goodbyes, the sack seemed bigger, swollen somehow, slightly more difficult for him to manage. After his thankful goodbyes, however, the people did begin to feel a strange kind of emptiness they had never felt before and not even their contentedness at having helped, having been a part of something, could any longer conceal this sensation.

Some called him the teacher.



Years turned into decades, decades into centuries and the shadowy figure was now given to making fierce demands on his hosts and the sense of emptiness his loving sheep suffered was now a sense of loss only assuaged by thoughts of their long departed guest’s greatness and wisdom and love for them. They needed him, but he was not there.

So, anyway, the shadow, the thing that was not there, took more and more of everyone each time he left, until his hosts were just empty husks of their former selves and having given up so much of themselves, so willingly, so unquestioningly, there came into being a realm of blood and thunder that had never before existed, not even in their wildest dreams.

Some called him the deity. They needed him but he was not there.

Meanwhile, as so often happens when travels are so long, the shadow eventually arrived at precisely the spot it had started its wanderings from, and the sack, being so heavy, he let it drop to the ground, whereupon it split open and spilled its contents at his feet.

Four bloody heads, eight bloodshot eyes stared up vacantly, dead, at their new master for, yes, he was a godlike figure and everything and everyone had been at his feet for ever and a day and nobody had any more left to give for they had given up absolutely everything……………

They had no more Reason.

No more Philosophy.

No more Art.

No more Science.

Saturday, September 16, 2006

ALATRY AND THE WAITING TIME IN THE WAITING ROOM.

Waiting Time In the Waiting Room and a negative (virus, stain, speck of dust) number is watching the sand clock run down, the last grains passing through the neck………………………………..BLAAAM!!



Our time burst onto the scene the instant this universe blew itself into positive numbers. (Which, of course was a big mistake on the universe’s part because a belch in the process spewed humankind into the fabric, but that’s another story.)

Our time doesn’t believe in straight lines and so probably gets to bump into itself pretty regularly, a kind of haven’t I been there before situation.

Also, there is no logical reason why the universe we’re living in should be the only one that fireworked itself into being, which means there’s no particular reason why our time should be the only kind of time that exists either, even here and now. Thus there’s no particular logic behind the idea that all times are spreading in the same direction, so it follows that lots of times ought to be crashing into each other, or at least rubbing shoulders, all over the place. Pretty chaotic I’d say. Haven’t I seen me afterwards somewhere before?

So, whatever direction it comes from, you viruses, you stains on the fabric of the universe, you dirty little specks of dust you, there is no time for you to lose because, although there’s a terrible lot of it aroundabouts, in the end, you lose it all, even that which wasn’t yours, or ours, which is just common sense.

Talking of common sense, talking of counting, this is a bit of number theory from New Scientist magazine.-

"Alatrism" would be formed from the word "alatry", the practice of not bothering to worship any deities, regardless of how many there may be (recall "idolatry" and the prefix "a-" for "no" or "not"). This brings us to Feedback's Statistical Proof of Alatry.

It goes like this. The only thing we know about deities with any certainty is that the number of them is a whole number, the idea of a fractional deity being frankly absurd. So the number of deities in our universe is an integer, in the range from minus infinity to plus infinity. (We leave the theologians to interpret a negative number of deities: this is number theory, and its conclusion should save them the trouble.)

For it is commonly accepted that we should expect our universe to be typical of possible universes. So the expected number of deities is in the middle of the range of possibilities. That is, zero. Quod erat demonstrandum.




Now, that should give you a little more time to spare, you stains on the fabric of the universe!

Not that the universe cares at all. After all, compared to the beautiful scale of things, we're all just a minor irritant, not even a grain of sand, and the universe has plenty of time on its hands to deal with us.

And a good job too.

The sand clock is running, the last grains passing through the neck………………………………

BLAAAAAAM!!