What have I done to deserve all of this? What did I do to set it all off? What can I tell anybody? My eight hours have twenty four hours worth of minutes in them, weeks worth of minutes in them in a future that is always on top of me so I can’t breathe. I’m suffocating. Am I explaining myself? Can you see what I’m getting at? I know what’s going on, then I think I know what’s going on, and then I’m not sure what’s going on and then I’m lost and then it all starts going round and round and round in my head, over and over and over again and I can’t think straight.
I can’t let everybody down. I’ve got to cause a good impression. Be friendly. It’s impossible because I’m not me anymore, I don’t know who I am anymore. I just can’t get the production done. Eight hours, with all those millions of minutes, is a black hole. A big black aloneness. My hands tremble at the start of the shift and tremble the whole day, the whole week. I’ve got a knot in my stomach I just wish I could unravel. I want to force my hands in there and untie it all but I don’t have the energy. I’m too weak. I’m too tired, worn out.
I’ve tried to talk to them all. I try to smile. I tried to talk to Lovich, but he was so spiteful I nearly cried but I didn’t, because I’m trying so hard not to be pathetic. I try to talk to the other guys but, somehow, he’s turned them against me. They won’t talk to me, but they won’t leave me alone either. Seriously, sometimes I think they’re afraid of him. I don’t know.
I’m suffering from a kind of tunnel vision and tunnel hearing. I don’t understand. They’ve been giving me looks again and laughing at me and passing comments I can’t quite hear, though they have a nasty tone to them. Maybe I’m a bit paranoid. Maybe I’m blowing this up out of all proportion. I don’t think so.
I don’t understand anything. I feel so useless. My thoughts don’t work and my words are less than useless. What can I say to my husband? I can’t. I’ve left it too long to even know where to start to explain. Things have all piled up. He’s, somehow, behind a door and I’ve piled up so much against it it’s impossible to open. Am I explaining myself? I don’t know anymore. Anyway, I don’t want him to worry over me, I’ve got to be strong for my family. I’ve asked some of my best friends about it. You know, I’ve told them bits and pieces, and they’ve been ever so nice and given me some good advice, but what use is good advice if your friends aren’t holding your hands? Nothing. It all evaporates when they let go. Sometimes I can keep it up to the factory gates.
What am I becoming? I’m too scared to go to bed because I can’t sleep and my thoughts won’t leave me alone. A nightmare would be a relief. It would mean I’d slept. I’m so terrified of getting up because I know what I’m in for because my mind's been turning it over and over and over again all through the night. The days have it in for me.
Just another very bad day.
I broke down and knelt and cried in front of my little daughter this evening. She’s not even three yet, but she was just so beautiful I couldn’t control the tears. She cried too, because mummy was crying and I kissed her soft cheek, and that was even more beautiful and her little tears were salty, but kind of sweet too.
I hope my tears weren’t too bitter for her. I love her so much.
The “Arthur Lovich” of this three part story is a fictional character, though far too many men and women of his kind are destroying lives in workplaces everyday, all over the world. Let me extend the accusation and say that far too many men, and, to a lesser degree, women, are doing the same thing to their partners in homes all over the world, torturing, destroying, CONTROLLING.
The man "behind" Arthur Lovich actually used the words "Burn out." He knows exactly what he is doing and is the more dangerous for it. He has investigated all the possibilities.
If you are a victim of mobbing, fight back! Never let it even have the chance to CONTROL you. Denounce the mobber to the company, the unions and find help and get information from associations. Where? Google “mobbing”. Yahoo “mobbing”. Never say “IT’LL GO AWAY IN THE END.” If you ignore it, it never will.
If you see mobbing going on in your workplace, denounce the mobber, or you will be next on the list. Stay quiet and the mobber has you CONTROLLED too. Fight back.
Mary is a fictional character too, and her daughter, husband, mother and father, but there are too many real victims just like them that shouldn’t be having their lives destroyed. Fight back!
TAKE CONTROL BACK FROM THOSE WHO WOULD USE IT AGAINST YOU.
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